Sex Movie Blog

Butter Face

In my many years as a pervert purveying porn, I have seen a lot of whacked out and/or revolting and/or completely senseless fetishes…people dressing as plush animals, dudes dressing up as babies, or as South Park showed us, Japanese girls puking on each other, and Brazilian Fart Sex. There’s an insane range of different strokes for different folks out there, but above them all this is one that doesn’t make any freakin sense to me.

U-G-L-Y…these chicks ain’t got no alibi, they’re ugly… These chicks have no tits, no asses…I mean, we’re talking chicks that if you put paper bags over their heads, you still wouldn’t want to fuck them! I mean, why the hell would somebody film this unless maybe they were testing viagra at the time or something. All I can say is, unless you are so much of an ugly loser yourself that the only way you can feel good is to look at other ugly people…DON’T watch this movie. Butter Face gets zero cocks-up and if I could do negatives, I would…what the hell, Butter Face gets negative five gajillion cocks-up!

Intensitivity 4

A multi-hued slutteriffic nasty fuck-fest extravaganza that lasts longer than even your average Hollywood production, and definitely supplies you with more wood and chances to shoot a load than your average Hollywood production as well, although Optimus Prime did give some pretty major raging hard-ons to a lot of truck enthusiasts…oh yeah, that chick in Transformers was worth splooging for too, but I digress. Intensitivity 4 is one fuck show guaranteed to give you something to shoot your load to repeatedly, and if it doesn’t then you’re fucking gay.

Sometimes in porn you get the porn-starlet who spends her time trying to look good for the camera and make it so that she’s easy to airbrush for photo shoots…sometimes you get the chicks who look like crack whores and can’t wait to finish the scene so they can get their twenty bucks and fuck off to find a fix…sometimes you get those chicks who don’t really look like they’re into or even know what they’re doing and suck cock while their minds (or what passes for their minds) are obviously a million miles away, and THEN sometimes you luck out and you find a film filled with true sluts who are there for cock first and money second.

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These chicks are what porn should be made around and these chicks are the sluts of Intensitivity 4. Something for everyone in this movie. You want a couple chicks getting it on together? You got it. You want a couple of chicks taking turns enjoying some cock or at the same time? You got it. Wanna see some dp action where the holes get really stretched and the Ho’s yell for more? You got it. You like a dark drink to shoot your cream into? You got it…some sweet dusky decadent sluts also grace the screen in Intensitivity 4.

In short, Intensitivity 4 has something for everyone and gets five full-on cocks-up.

Snatch Attack

Snatch Attack is basically what it sounds like, hungry horny pussies on the prowl for penetrating prick pleasure. There isn’t anything really special about this movie, but the chicks are hot enough and slutty enough to carry the picture, as well as make my cock rise to the occasion several times while watching the frenzied fuck and suck action.

Fortunately they don’t waste a lot of valuable jack-off time pretending to really be actors and actresses with a storyline, and after some cursory openers, the action gets down n funky like George Clinton.

These babes are pro-sluts, they know it and they’re proud of it, and they show it as they go gung-ho for cock in scene after scene, and dude, a couple of these dudes are old enough to be their fathers but these chicks are slutty enough not to be prejudiced about age and just get down and enjoy it for our viewing pleasure. Nor do these super-sluts draw the line with straight-on vanilla one-on-one sex, but they happily show us that an extra cock to fill an extra hole is always a welcome thing in their opinions, as well as in their pussies.

Snatch Attack gets a very jackable three cocks-up…it coulda been a lot better and it coulda been a lot worse, but it did make me shoot a full load.

Bodacious ta-ta’s

Porn movies have always been known for their idiotic although sometimes amusing titles…especially when they rip off major box office hits. Personally if I were renting or buying a movie based on titles, Bodacious ta-ta’s would be at the bottom of my list, if I didn’t completely gloss over it. I mean, ‘ta-ta’s’ who the hell says ta-ta’s? Some poorly taught breast-fed one year old? Also the bodacious part makes it sound like some Jeff Spicolli meets Bill & Ted porn show, and totally does not go with the ta-ta’s part. So my first advice to the makers of Bodacious ta-ta’s is, get a new freakin title…now on to the show.

Anybody who isn’t a total idiot, or a closet case fag, likes chicks with big tits. Plastic surgeons throughout America have made millions of dollars from this little fact, as well as the millions of dollars made by cancer clinics a couple years after the plastic surgeons make their money, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. Now I can’t totally tell with these chicks whether they are all natural, or partly fake…what I can tell is that they’re not partly small, and they are freakin huge.

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Sadly though, sploogetastic porn is not formed from big tits alone, and while the movie did not lack for decent sex, it didn’t have anything with a special zing unless you have a particular big-tit fetish beyond the norm, in which case yeah you would probably shoot a bigger load than I did. For the hotness of the chicks, and for living up to it’s title (even though the title is totally stupid).

Bodacious ta-ta’s gets two cocks-up.